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Thursday, September 04, 2003

What's RASSLIN'?

Spaulding: Our Internet buddy, Mawson, is from Down Under. Teddy: We’re pretty sure he’s from Australia, but it might be New Zealand. Spaulding: We do know he’s about as far away as a bear can get compared to where we live! Teddy: But, he’s asked us a question that we want to answer, but need Mommy’s help to answer. Spaulding: He wants to know what RASSLIN’ is… Teddy: And how it compares to Australian football! Spaulding: That’s why we need Mommy’s help! First, we’re a bit prejudice about RASSLIN’ so hate to acknowledge it’s anything less then what we want it to be… Teddy: And secondly, Mommy says that Australian football is closer to soccer then American football, except it’s even more violent, uses a ball more shaped like a big football then a soccer ball, and hands are used more then feet. Spaulding: Apparently, elbows and knees are used like rass’lers use them! Teddy: So, I’ll start and when we say something that Mommy needs to s’plain fuller, we’ll put our paws on our ears and sing loudly! Spaulding: That way our beliefs stay, but Mawson can understand better! Teddy: It’s just like wres-sel-ling! (wrestling!) ::::::::::::::looks up at Mommy, and realizes it is already time to sing:::::: Spaulding and Teddy (using their beary loud and happy voices to sing): ~~~It’s been a long time~~~getting from there to here~~~It’s been a long line….. (Hint: probably best if Mawson doesn’t read what Mommy writes also, but maybe Mawson’s Daddy might be interested in reading it.) Mommy: Although some of the “wrestlers” (Yes, I’ve always known the word is “wrestling,” but since it is so different from real wrestling, we all say “rasslin’” in a southerner’s accent to differentiate) were originally Roman-Greco wrestlers, Kurt Angle actually winning the gold metal in wrestling at the Olympics a few years ago, rasslin’ is closer to Strong Man Competitions, but with more tossing then hitting. ::::::::::::::::::::::pulling paws away from ears:::::::::::::::::::::::: Teddy: It’s OK to keep telling? (Mommy shakes her head yes.) Spaulding: Most of the rass’lers are men, but there are a couple of divas of rasslin! Teddy: They are pretty but they only have two ….ummmm, two…ummmm, well, if they wore a bra, they only need two cups! Both: kehehehehehehehehe Spaulding: We prefer eight ourselves! Both: kehehehehehehehehe Teddy: But they are people so it’s not their fault! Spaulding: And all the rass’lers flip one another in the air, or clotheslines one another… Teddy: like we think they do in your country’s version of football. Spaulding: And push the opponent into the rope… Teddy: they fight in a ring, like boxing… Spaulding: And then put their foot straight out, so the opponent runs right into it! Teddy: And each rass’ler has his specialty! Like Brock Lesnar picks up his opponent over his shoulders and then flings them so their whole body stays parallel with the floor, but it turns them 180 degrees from their original position by the time they hit the floor and that’s called an F5! And he’s no slouch either! He’s around 325 pounds with a neck any cobra would be proud of and yet he has F5’ed The Big Show who is five foot tall 700 pounds! :::::::::::::::::::both realize Mommy wants to say something so plug their ears again:::::: Mommy: Actually, Big Show is supposedly seven feet tall and 500 pounds, but we made a joke out of it because when we first started watching every time they’d talk about him they’d always say, “Big Show, who is seven foot tall 500 pounds….” It just got so funny, that we kept up the tradition, however, since the teddy bears are so small, they can’t comprehend someone so big that they inverted the numbers! Also, having seen Big Show on one of the late night talk shows, I learned he was only 450 pounds, having lost 50 pounds—can’t tell! AND, having rented some of the videos of championship shows of the past, we learned that they use to say Big Show was seven foot two and 500 pounds! They stopped telling how tall he is for a while and now suddenly, he has regained those two inches again! LOL No matter! It is true that Brock can truly pick up Big Show and flip him like pizza dough! Spaulding: And Big Show spits and howlers, grabs his opponent by the neck, lifts him up above his head, and even sometimes inverts them so it goes Big Show’s feet, Big Show’s head, opponent’s head, opponent’s feet and the two have to be at least two stories high, and THEN, crashes the opponent to the ground!!! Teddy: Or Mysterio gets his opponent down on his knees leaning against the ropes and facing the audience, when he runs to the other side of the ring, bounces off the rope, comes flying back, grabs the bottom rope with one hand, the second rope with the other as he flies through the two ropes and then spins around and slams his legs against the poor exhausted opponent’s face! Spaulding: And Chris Benoit cannot win until he stands up, makes the thumbs up gesture, then rakes the thumb with clenched fist across his throat as if to say he is ripping the neck off! Doesn’t matter how close he gets or his opponent gets to winning, no one wins until he does that!!! Teddy: But it’s not just about rasslin! Spaulding: OK, for Teddy, Daddy and me it IS about the rasslin’! Teddy: Yeah, but not for Mommy! She likes to laugh while she watches the rough stuff. I dunno why. :::::::::::::::::::::More closed ears and loud singing:::::::::::::::::::::: Mommy: Because I know no one can get hurt simply by climbing on top of your opponent while he’s down and grabbing your hands together around your opponent’s face, once more cause such anguishing pain that it causes the opponent to tap out! In truth if you watch closely (and we also watched a program that explained the secrets of how they rassle) you can see how they do all the moves without seriously hurting each other—granted some genuinely get cut on the head causing much blood, but still a superficial wound! Still, it is a magnificent display of coordination that would make synchronize swimmers jealous! Much like watching supposed shoot outs in Wild West towns! But, teddy bears are magical creatures, who are completely innocent and remain completely innocent, so don’t let them know we know this stuff! Spaulding: Mommy says she likes to watch it because it’s like a soap opera but with more action. For instance, Brock and Kurt fought for the title belt…. Teddy: There’s a variety of title belts so many people can fight over title belts at any given time…. Spaulding: at THE Main Event, which only happens once a year, so they can charge really big bucks for Pay-Per-View…? Teddy: All the championship fights are held at pay-per-view events, but we don’t have cable TV so have to catch on to what happened at the Pay-Per-View by checking out the web site or watching the next Thursday night show…. Spaulding: and Brock won by F5ing Kurt, but also broke Kurt’s neck! Teddy: Well that made Kurt need surgery on his neck and he had to stay in the hospital for a long time! Spaulding: Kurt has his own team, with two other rass’lers helping him at all his fights… Teddy: But he only got one visitor in that hospital…. Both: Brock Lesnar!!!! Spaulding: His team didn’t even come to visit him. Teddy: Four months later, he finally returned to Smackdown! :::::::::::::::::::::::::ears closed again:::::::::::::::::::: Mommy: Amazingly, despite laprascopic surgery on his neck--like they use to remove gallstones, leaving 3-5 little scars where instruments are pushed into the skin, instead of cutting the patient wide open--Kurt has absolutely NO scars around his neck! I had my gall bladder removed laprascopically and have the short scars to prove it. On the other hand, a few years ago, Chris Benoit did have his neck messed up by wrestling and really has returned to wrestle again, however this has made him a good spokesman for telling fans to not try their stunts at home! ::::::::::::::::::::::ears opened again:::::::::::::::::::::: Spaulding: So Brock and Kurt ended up as best friends, however, we already wrote in this journal how suddenly Brock became a bad guy and claims that he was acting friendly towards Kurt to fool him! We’re not buying that story though! They really were friends! Teddy: And there is a storyline going on between Zack Gowen and the owner of World Wrestling Entertainment, Vince MacMahon… Spaulding: And another one between Vince and his daughter, Stephanie, who is the General Manager of Smackdown! Teddy: And one between Chris Benoit and Eddie Gurerro…. Spaulding: And a few others! Teddy: Now that’s why Mommy likes to watch, but we like to watch the fights and then DO fight at home! Spaulding: And Mommy is so nice she let’s us fight in the house! Teddy: So, Mawson, that’s what rasslin is like! Spaulding: If you can s’plain Australian football, Mommy says she’ll copy and paste it onto this blog, so everyone can understand! Teddy: But, now it’s getting close to time to get ready to eat, play Jeopardy! (we won again last night) and get ready for…. Both: RASLIN!!!!! Spaulding: So, we gotta go. But…. Teddy: Until next time…

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