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Saturday, February 07, 2004

Health Care Reform

Spaulding: We hear a lot of Peoples' News, but don't understand much of what it is talking about! Teddy: Like we kept hearing about something peoples in the United States seem to need, but we didn't understand, called "Health Care Reform." Spaulding: On Wednesday, we found out what that means! Teddy: Mommy went to see a doctor and he definitely needs reform! Spaulding: And we are definitely the stuffed animals to do it! Teddy: He did TWO things that were beary mean... Spaulding: ...although Mommy tried to tell us why it was needed. Teddy: We didn't understand that part. Spaulding: He gave Mommy a test that should be beary easy to pass! Teddy: When she came home, she gave us the test and even we passed it! Spaulding: BUT, Mommy is taking some drugs so she doesn't hurt so much, and the drugs make her brain not work as well as it used to do! Teddy: Mommy failed the test, even though she could do it with our help later on! Spaulding: And she got so upset that she started crying! Teddy: I KNEW we should have gone with her! We could have kicked that doctor in the knee right away! Spaulding: But, that is NOT the Teddy Bear way! We don't physically hurt anyone for any reason! Teddy: Some times that is a hard rule to follow! Spaulding (nodding in agreement): But, Mommy wanted us to have that time to be with our stuffed animal family, so while she was crying we were playing Hide N' Seek with our family! Teddy: That mean ole doctor wasn't done being mean either! Spaulding: Next he had Mommy lie down on that table thingy as he poked at her sore spot! Teddy: The center of her sore spot is right below her right ribs to the right and down midway from the breast plate! Spaulding: She says that all her doctors like to poke at that area, and it is beary sensitive, but THAT doctor pressed so hard, she thought he was trying to rip out her back bone through her front! Teddy: And, as if he wasn't being mean enough, he asked her to try to relax that area! Spaulding: I liked Mommy's answer to that request--"Sure, move your hands away!" Both: Kehehehehehehehehe Teddy: No, wait! That wasn't really funny! ::::::::::Both look at Mommy to see how she reacted to their laughing. Smilimg, she quietly tells them that it was meant to be funny. Sometimes people like to make bad situations better by laughing. They ponder that idea, and after being nudged awake, they continue on dictating their journal entry.::::::::::: Spaulding: Well, after she told us what happened, we decided to get back at him-- Teddy: Teddy Bear style, of course! Spaulding: Mommy and Daddy needed us that day, so we took care of them while the rest of our family packed for our moonlight trip! Teddy: I gave them a list of things we needed to take, and Axlerod was in charge of getting everyone to B.J. Max to buy the things we didn't already have. Spaulding: It was more then we usually take on our trips, but all necessary. Teddy: Ax gave me the list back, so here it is: coffeecoffeecoffeecoffee, honey, hotdogs... Spaulding: ...we needed to keep up our strength... Teddy (nodding his head in agreement): vaseline, a beary soft candle, ashes from Mommy and Daddy's ash trays, glue, and garlic paste! Spaulding: I'm glad Mommy taught me to cook! I took a few cloves of garlic, smashed them with the edge of a wide knife, and then smashed the smashed pieces some more in our mortar and pestle! Teddy: Then we put it in one of Mommy's empty pill holders and into our backpack! Spaulding: We put the ashes in a small medicine container too, as well as, the glue, and vaseline. We cut the beary soft candle with a chunk big enough to do what we wanted, but small enough to fit into our backpack! Teddy: The only things that didn't fit were the coffeecoffeecoffeecoffee, honey and hotdogs, but our helioplaneship boxcar is magical, so they all fit in easily with us. Spaulding: Mommy and Daddy went to bed early that night! Teddy: Mommy was so sore, it was the only thing she could think to do to make herself feel better. Spaulding: Stuffed animals have an ability that even some peoples have. It's called "M-path-E!" Teddy: When we do this M-path-E, we sim-path-eyez so well with someone that we can feel just like they do, but on a smaller scale. Spaulding: Since Mommy was hurt that day, we all M-path-E her so much that we all hurt a little! Teddy: Fortunately, being Teddy Bears, we can spread the M-path-E around so we all only felt one seventh as badly as Mommy! Spaulding: It hurt each of us, but not so much that it stopped us from going ahead with our plan! Teddy: Now, remember Spaulding saying that some peoples have this ability too? We were fortunate enough to have been adopted by two peoples with that special ability--Mommy and Daddy! Spaulding: That's not always a good thing to have though! Daddy is already sick all by himself, but... Teddy: ...BUT, on that day, Mommy told him what happened and he M-path-E her, making him both sick AND sore! Spaulding: Now the problem with M-path-E is that it's not just feeling like the other. Teddy: The feeling part comes from thinking how the other must feel, so it's a thinking thing too! Spaulding: Since we can't exactly know how the other is feeling, we probably add to the feeling by thinking about the other constantly! Teddy: If you're a Teddy Bear, that much thinking leads to naps! Spaulding: If you are a peoples, it causes the pain and a beary tired brain! Teddy: Daddy went to bed early that night, not only because he was sick... Spaulding: ...BUT, with M-path-E with Mommy all day, his brain was so tired we could hear the static! Teddy: Remember?! We also have tell-lep-path-E, so we always know what Mommy and Daddy are thinking! Spaulding: Sometimes people think so much their mind shuts down and all we can hear... Teddy: ...and all they hear too... Spaulding: static! Teddy: We were glad they went to bed early, because they felt so badly and we kept M-path-E them! Spaulding: We M-path-E them so much, Axlerod had to freeze time in that first sleep, so we could rest well and recover a bit from hurting too! Teddy: Ax started time again... Spaulding: ...although he made it go beary slow, so we could do all we wanted without worrying about running out of time... Teddy: ...and woke us all up around 1 o'clock! Spaulding: We wanted to make sure Mommy and Daddy would sleep through the night! Teddy: The family had already loaded up the helioplaneship boxcar and were sitting in it waiting for us! Spaulding: Axlerod had peaked at Mommy's follow-up appointment card to find the address of this beary mean doctor. Teddy: We got there so fast that we didn't even get cold! Both: Kehehehehehehehehe Spaulding: We worked so well, it was as if we had practiced it all before hand! Teddy: The kids... Spaulding: ...who don't even drink coffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Teddy: ...set up our brand new coffeecoffeecoffeecoffee set that we got for Christmas, making sure that the bottomless coffeecoffeecoffeecoffee pots were warm and full! Spaulding: The gals got to the office kitchen and grilled up a huge bunch of hotdogs for everyone! Teddy: Axlerod, Spaulding and I got out all the supplies we needed and grabbed some paper and pens to or-gan-eyez our plan. Spaulding: While we had our picnic on that mean ole doctor's desk, we talked over our plan. Teddy: And giggled often as we pictured the doctor getting caught in all of our traps! Both: Kehehehehehehehehe Spaulding: We separated into three different teams-- Teddy: Spaulding and I were one team, Lady and Valentine the second, and Axlerod and the kids were the third team! Spaulding: Axlerod, Ding and Dee made a great team! Axlerod is big and the kids are short, so they would use Ax to climb when necessary, and their weight wouldn't hurt Ax! Teddy: They were in charge of hotdog horrors! Both: Kehehehehehehehehe Spaulding: What? You thought we just brought the hotdogs to eat?! Both: Kehehehehehehehehe Teddy: They got next to the coat rack where the kids could reach the bottom of the doctor's white coat, broke the stitch on the side of his bottom seam and slipped in several hotdogs! Spaulding: When the doctor put his coat on, the added weight would make it constantly fall off his shoulders! Teddy: AND, once the hotdogs cooled off, they would start to smell something, but not figure out what! Both: Kehehehehehehehehe Spaulding: Next, they went to the closet in the doctor's office and pulled out his working shoes! Teddy: Axlerod is strong enough to flip the shoes over and... Spaulding: ...the kids used the bottom of his shoes like it was an iced-over pond... Teddy: ...and the hotdogs were their skates! Both: Kehehehehehehehehe Spaulding: The doctor's shoes would slip allllllll day! Both: Kehehehehehehehehe Teddy: Now the rest of the things we planned to do were divided into two areas-- Spaulding: Lady and Valentine were in charge of his office... Teddy: ...and we were in charge of his examination rooms! Spaulding: The gals got the honey and administered it liberally. Both: Kehehehehehehehehe Teddy: They put some on his telephone, on his keys and on the speakers to his speaker phone so it would be harder to hear! Both: Kehehehehehehehehe Spaulding: Also, they put a coating of vaseline onto his pager window, so he would think he was losing his eyesight! Both: Kehehehehehehehehe Teddy: Meanwhile, we were having some fun in the exam rooms! Both: Kehehehehehehehehe Spaulding: I opened up his bottle of handsoap and mixed in the garlic paste! Teddy: I wish we could watch as he washes his hands! Both: Kehehehehehehehehe Teddy: I mixed up the ashes with some vaseline. Doctors have this instrument where they look in peoples' ears or up their noses... Spaulding: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Teddy (suppressing a laughing fit): ...we smeared the ashes and vaseline goop around where his eye goes, so, when he uses it, it will look like it gave him a black eye! Both: Kehehehehehehehehe Spaulding: And, we glued the fingers together of the next six disposable rubber gloves, just to drive him a little nutty! Both: Kehehehehehehehehe Teddy: We're hoping the last thing we did wouldn't go over the line of not being violent. Spaulding: We wanted to get him back for hurting our Mommy, but we didn't want to cause him any harm. Teddy: UNLESS, welllll, ummmmm, do you think having someone rip out his own ear hair is violent, or harmful, or nasty?! Spaulding: It made Mommy and Dadd laugh when we told them what we did! Teddy: Yeah, but they are peoples, so can lean towards being mean on occasion, even if they usually aren't. Spaulding: Well, we did do it, so we can only hope it didn't cross over and break any stuffed animal rules! Teddy: We took the chunk of beary soft candle and lit it! Spaulding: We aimed the falling wax over the earpieces of his stethoscope. Teddy: Because it was already a beary soft candle, we hope it will attach itself to the doctor's ears when he uses his stethoscope and, well, ummm,... Spaulding (too excited to contain himself anymore): ...we hope, when he takes it off, that it will take some of the hair in his ears too! ::::::::::::Both blush and turn around to see Mommy's reaction. When they see her suppressing her laughter just to keep typing, but then no longer holds it in when they pause, they feel greatly relieved. Remembering what they did and then picturing how it will all work out, they don't even try to suppress their laughter.:::::::::::: Both: Kehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe ::::::::::::::::::::Finally, after a good half hour of laughing so hard that their paws are sore from holding their sides, they can continue, sorta.:::::::::::::::::::: Spaulding: It's been a few days since we did that, and still Mommy hurts from that mean ole doctor! Teddy: She doesn't hurt as much as she did the day he did it though! Spaulding: And we did make Mommy and Daddy laugh beary much when we told them what we did! Teddy: And we didn't really hurt the doctor, just made him have a tougher then usual... Spaulding: ...more interesting then usual... Teddy: With that, we hope it will make him think before he does something so mean again! Spaulding: Or, since we are pretty sure he won't, we at least have taught whoever reads this to never, ever mess with the peoples Teddy Bears love! Both: Kehehehehehehehehe Teddy: Soooooooo, until next time...

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