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Sunday, February 01, 2004

The Royal Rumble!

Spaulding: We did go to The Royal Rumble the night after Teddy and Daddy's birthday, as planned. Teddy: We took the helioplaneship boxcar, not because the Wachovia Center is so far away, but, being shorter then peoples, we were afraid we wouldn't be able to see anything from ground level. Spaulding: The kids wanted to leave early, hoping to see some of their favorite stars as they came into the building. Teddy: We also took Mommy's first crocheted ski cap and scarf, because she made it so big that only someone like The Big Show could wear it... Spaulding: ...unless you like having a cap covering your whooooooooooooole head! Both: Kehehehehehehehehehehe Teddy: Unfortunately, we missed him, so we still have the cap! Spaulding: If anyone knows someone with a beary, beary, beary large head, who has trouble finding a ski cap big enough, bmail me and I will get Mommy to mail it to ya! Teddy: This commerical brought to you by.... Both: Kehehehehehehehehehehe Spaulding: We did see Jamie Noble and Nidia, but should have been surprised when Jamie kept walking but Nidia stopped to give us autographs! Teddy: Axlerod noticed immediately, but we were checking out her fur coat to make sure it was faux fur, so didn't notice. Spaulding: Nidia was blinded by Tajiri last November, when he sprayed her eyes with his mysterious black goop that he spits at the end of many of his matches! Teddy: How could a blind peoples sign autographs? Spaulding: But, since she's been blinded, her supposed boyfriend, Jamie, has been mean to her, throwing her into the ring to beat her up, and then blaming his opponents... Teddy: ...usually Mysterio, who is too nice of a guy to do that to a woman.... Spaulding: ...after the match! Teddy: After the matches, when Jamie's not around, Mysterio did go to her to apologize and tell who did do that to her, but she always seemed so beary a'scared, and didn't seem to listen. Spaulding: But, we got ahead of ourselves again! Teddy: Oh yeah! After getting autographs, we flew in and hovered over seats in the beary back row, so most wouldn't notice live stuffed animals watching the show! Spaulding: Long ago, Mommy helped us make poster, just our right size, to show off during different matches. Teddy: Since some wrestlers have turned into bad guys and others have turned into good guys since then, we also made some of our own too! Spaulding: If you've ever watched Ras'lin, you have seen how many signs are shown in the audience. If you go to this link, The Royal Rumble, and click on "Click here for Photos," you can see some of the pictures with the audiences' posters all around! Teddy: Since we were in the back though, you can't see ours! Spaulding: Well, also, since we are small... Teddy: ...compared to peoples... Spaulding: ...our posters are big to us but small to peoples! Teddy: BUT, as we tell about our adventure, we'll tell what our posters read! Spaulding: The first fight was the Dudley Boys against Coach and someone else, but since we don't watch RAW too often... Teddy: ...and because we like hotdogs... Spaulding: ...and the kids wanted something to eat... Teddy: ...even if we DID eat just before we left... Spaulding: ...we flew to the refreshment stand and missed that match! Teddy: Boy, oh, boy, do they have beary expensive food! Next time we bring our own! Spaulding: Didn't we say that the last time? Both: Kehehehehehehehehehehehehe Teddy: They do know how to make hotdogs though! Spaulding: BUT, they don't sell any NiHi! Teddy: Well, truthfully, NiHi isn't sold in the Northeast! The only reason we drink it is because Daddy liked it when he was young, so keeps importing it in for us by the truckload! Spaulding: That, and the fellow, who sells us hotdogs, buys enough to keep his favorite customers happy! Both: Kehehehehehehehehehehehehe Teddy: Anyway, the first bout we DID watch WAS Jamie Noble against Mysterio! Spaulding: For that bout, we pulled out our "619" poster! Teddy: Mysterio is also called "619," because he's from San Diego and its area code is "619." Spaulding: We like him a LOT! Teddy: He's one of the shortest, smallest ras'lers, and beary quick and gym.gym.gym-nas-cycle?! Spaulding (shrugging his shoulders): If it's not a word, it ought to be! Teddy:(nodding in agreement): He does flips and twist and turns, often yanking much bigger opponents to the floor by swinging around their necks with his legs, after jumping off the top rope! Spaulding: We think he might be a Teddy Bear in disguise! Teddy: And he's always in disguise, wearing a leather mask over his head, covering up everything but his eyes and mouth! Spaulding: And he wears beary light blue... Teddy: ...almost white!... Spaulding: ...contact lenses, so he is always in disguise! Teddy: As usual, the fight went back and forth, sometimes looking like Jamie might win, and sometimes like Mysterio might win, but we knew... Spaulding: ...even if there was a two count.... Teddy: ...that no one could win, until Mysterio did his famous 619 move! Spaulding: And this time the set up was way cool! Jamie was on the side of the ring near Nidia, and poor blind Nidia yanked his legs out from under him, making him kneel, while leaning against the bottom rope facing towards the audience! Teddy: That's the only position that Mysterio can do his 619 move, since it's when he gets a big running start from the other side of the ring, grabs the second rope with his top hand, the bottom rope with the other hand, swings his body around through the ropes,... Spaulding: ...like a gymnist on parralel bars, but side ways... Teddy: ...and then smashes his opponent with his legs, kicking the opponent backwards, flat on his back! Spaulding: That night it was Jamie, so Mysterio got his three count! Teddy: Boy, oh, boy, was Jamie upset with Nidia! Spaulding: That's when Axlerod told us that he was pretty sure Nidia did that on purpose! Teddy: On Smackdown! last night, we found out how right Ax was! Nidia can see again and set Jamie up for another whooping! He tried to beat her up in the ring again, but then it was obvious that she could see and Mysterio whooped him some more! Both: Kehehehehehehehehehehehehe Spaulding: The next bout was one where we needed our "Lie, Cheat and Steal" poster! Teddy: We were really rooting for Eddie Guerrero, because his nephew and partner, Chavo Guerrero, has been acting like a baby lately, complaining that Eddie gets the audience to shout his name, but they never shout "Chavo!" Spaulding: No fair thinking it could be that Eddie is more charismatic! Teddy (with utter shock): Charismatic?! Gooooooooooood word! Both: Kehehehehehehehehehehehehe Teddy: Both of them openly admit to lying, cheating and stealing to win their bouts, but that night, Eddie fought without cheating, and whooped his nephew to a bloody pulp! Spaulding: He also beat up his brother, Chavo's Dad, too, since he was trying to help his son cheat, AND Eddie's brother helped his son beat up Eddie the week before on Smackdown! Teddy: Eddie tried to keep the peace in his family, but when that became impossible, he whooped his nephew quite well! Spaulding: I thought you were gonna say, "real good!" Both: Kehehehehehehehehehehehehe Teddy: The next bout was so good, it was hard to believe it wasn't the main bout! Spaulding: For that bout we needed our new sign for Brock--"You tapped out!" Teddy: Brock is one of the guys who used to be a good guy and is now a bad guy! Spaulding: "Tapping out" is when your opponent has you in a hold that's so painful you tap your hand to the floor several times, which means you give up. Teddy: Brock had spent several years as a champion, who never ever tapped out, until last autumn,... Spaulding: ...it was against Kurt Angle, and he tapped out! Teddy: Ends up that he hates it when he is reminded of tapping out, so the audience chants it now, AND he's tapped out a couple of more times since! Both: Kehehehehehehehehehehehehe Spaulding: Right before we started watching Ras'lin... Teddy: ...yes, we didn't ALWAYS watch Ras'lin! Hard to believe, huh? Both: Kehehehehehehehehehehehehe Spaulding: ...there was this rass'ler named Hardcore Holly, but he was taken out of action when Brock broke his neck! Teddy: We hate to admit knowing this... Spaulding: ...we prefer Teddy Bear World Rass'lin, which is equal parts reality and pretend... Teddy: ...but sometimes it is necessary to explain which parts are real and which are pretend... Spaulding: ...so kids know that it's beary hard to do what the rass'lers do without getting hurt... Teddy: ...so the kids don't try to do the same moves and really get hurt... Spaulding: ...and, even though the Rass'lers are trained to do what they do.... Teddy: ...it's still dangerous to do what they do, even for them... Spaulding: ...to the point that a few years ago, doing a stunt, one of the Rass'lers was killed, and that's for real,... Teddy: ...not Teddy Bear world real, but peoples' world real! Spaulding: But all that to say that just before we started watching Rass'lin, Brock Lesner and Hardcore Holly had a match... Teddy: ...and Hardcore Holly really did get his neck broken by Brock! Spaulding: It was a stunt gone wrong, and, in Peoples' World, Brock didn't mean to do it! Teddy: And, although obviously, it's beary bad to have your neck broken, Hardcore wasn't paralysed... Spaulding: ...neither was Chris Benoit's when his neck was really broken either, although that's not part of this story... Teddy: ...just want everyone reading this to know that, if you have bones in your body... Spaulding:...we don't so don't have to worry about anything worse then a seam getting ripped Teddy: ...which is beary scary if you're a stuffy... Spaulding: ...that you SHOULD NOT try those moves on your own! Teddy: Anyway, back to Teddy Bear World s'plaining of what we saw! Spaulding: Hardcore Holly wanted revenge so The Royal Rumble was when he got to fight against Brock! Teddy: Brock's been getting surprise attacks from Holly for a few weeks by the time The Royal Rumble came along, so he was a'scared of Hardcore, although he'd never admit that! Spaulding: We don't know much about Holly other then having seen the footage of when he did break his neck... Teddy: ...which was yucky... Spaulding: ...and his ambushes on Brock, so we do like him! Both: Kehehehehehehehehehehehehe Teddy: It was a great fight, and we saw Holly getting close to winning a couple of times, and Brock F5ing... Spaulding: ...Brock tosses his opponent over his shoulders, spins him quickly, lets go, which makes the opponent twirl parrarel from the floor, before falling, beary hard, onto the floor! Teddy: Hardcore is only six foot tall, 235 pounds, which is small for a Rass'ler, kinda, but Brock has done his F5 on The Big Show too! Spaulding: The Big Show is five feet tall 700 pounds! (Mommy explanation: Because the kids have trouble conceiving of people being taller then two feet tall, although their Mommy and Daddy are two inches away from six feet tall, either side, that, although announcers keep saying, "The Big Show is seven feet tall, five hundred pounds," they keep hearing "five feet tall, 700 pounds!" We just go along with it now, since they can't even hear the difference, if we try to correct them.) Teddy: We had a little accident that stopped us from seeing the end of the match! Spaulding: We all had our NiHis on the edge of the helioplaneship boxcar, but Axlerod got an itch that needed scratching on the bottom of his back paw. Teddy: He has short legs, so he can't reach his back paw to scratch, and asks us to scratch for him. Spaulding: The helioplaneship boxcar is magical! If peoples see it, it looks like a box just big enough for me, with Teddy on my lap, and elbow high, but when peoples aren't looking, we all fit in, along with all we need for any particular trip. Teddy: For that trip, we just had the cap and scarf that Mommy was hoping we could give The Big Show... Spaulding: All 18 of our posters, and extra napkins to clean up with after we ate. Teddy: We're not quite sure, who caused the accident, but Spaulding pulled Axlerod's back paw up for me to scratch, and when I scratched... Spaulding: ...it tickled Axlerod, so he jumped... Teddy: ...With Axlerod being the biggest stuffy in our family, he also kicked and ran into me.... Spaulding: ...then Teddy ran into me, and I ran into someone else....and, well, ... Teddy: ...we don't know who exactly did it, but there was a chain reaction with every single soft drink being knocked over... Spaulding: ...some inside our vehicle and some outside! Teddy: We were glad we were in the back above empty seats, or we might have had more problems! Spaulding: Once again, the stuffed doggies saved the day, by licking up the mess! Teddy: We helped, but I wouldn't lick under Axlerod's paw! Spaulding: That's all right, Dee did! She's a good stuffed doggy! Both: Kehehehehehehehehehehehehe Teddy: We looked up, when we heard the ref start the three count, and Brock won, but we don't know if he cheated! Spaulding: Since he became a bad guy, he cheats more then the Guerrero's ever did! Both: Kehehehehehehehehehehehehe Spaulding: We do occasionally, watch RAW, but, we chose to go out and dry out our vehicle... Teddy: ...by flying it upside down... Spaulding:...when Triple H and Shawn Micheals fought, but we heard the crowd's reaction when Triple H won. Teddy: Finally, the title match started--The Royal Rumble! Spaulding: Paul Heyman hates Chris Benoit, because Chris beat up Brock, the keystone to Paul Heyman's concept of Smackdown! , Paul made Chris the first player for the The Royal Rumble! Teddy: The Royal Rumble is 30 guys, 15 from Smackdown! and 15 from Raw, fighting in one ring to find out who gets to fight against the champion at Wrestlemania, the biggest event of the Rass'lin year! Spaulding: It starts with two Rass'lers, and adds another every 90 seconds! Teddy: You stay in the match, until you are knocked out of the ring with both feet hitting the floor outside of the ring! Spaulding: Quite often Rass'lers get pushed over the ropes, but they hang onto the rope and neither foot hits the floor! Teddy: It was so exciting, we all had our elbows leaning up against the edge of our vehicle holding up our "Toothless Aggression" poster to root for Chris Benoit, and it felt like we were almost pulled right down into the match! Spaulding: Almost! Both: Kehehehehehehehehehehehehe Teddy: Bodies were flying left and right! Spaulding: At one point Brock joined the group and F5ed Goldberg right out of the ring! Teddy: Brock is the champion, so he wasn't supposed to be involved! Spaulding: Goldberg is on RAW and Brock is on Smackdown!, so that simply had no reason to happen! Teddy: Goldberg now wants Brock's blood! Spaulding: And the rest of him too! Both: Kehehehehehehehehehehehehe Teddy: The match took 62 minutes and the last opponent knocked out of the ring was The Big Show, BUT... Both: ...CHRIS BENOIT WON!!! Both: Kehehehehehehehehehehehehe Teddy: We were so beary happy for him, until later this last week he announced that he wanted to have his match against Triple H! Spaulding (so upset that he's almost sputtering): He LEFT Smackdown! Teddy (shaking with frustration): Now what will we do? ::::::::::::::::Mommy speaks to them quietly. They calm down and smile.:::::::::::::::::::: Spaulding: That Mommy is soooooooo smart! Teddy (nodding in agreement): On Friday nights, when nothing else good is on TV, they have a show called "The Bottom Line" that we've started watching. Spaulding: It recaps what happened on RAW, so we don't need the longer version, but can keep up with who's doing what over there. Teddy: Mommy says we can watch that, which will help us figure out what's up with Nick Foley too! Spaulding: He seemed to have chickened out on a match a few weeks ago, and the guy he was supposed to fight has been calling him a chicken and taunting him to come back ever since! Teddy: He finally showed up... Spaulding: ...when Stone Cold Steve Austin insisted he come... Teddy: ...and seemed willing to fight the creep again, but, since it was during The Royal Rumble!, it wasn't a good night for that. We're looking forward to find out what's happening with him! Spaulding: Axlerod thinks that Goldberg might come to Smackdown! soon too! Both: Kehehehehehehehehehehehehe Teddy: The good thing about going in our helioplaneship boxcar is how quickly we could leave the place! Spaulding: By the time the first people leaving got to their cars, we had already left, stopped by our favorite hotdog stand for a pick up, and flew home! Teddy: With the magical time thingy, Mommy and Daddy didn't even know we were gone! Spaulding: We did save them a few Teddy Bear hotdogs, although they don't taste them too well! Teddy: Well, now that we've caught up on our journal, we got to get ready for the Super Bowl this evening! Spaulding: We're remembering it's just a game... Teddy: ...which is beary easy since the Eagles aren't in it.... Both: Kehehehehehehehehehehehehe Spaulding: ...but the commericials are a great part and we saw a preview of one with Bears in it! Teddy: That's gotta be the best one! Spaulding: So, time to go.... Teddy: Soooooooo, until next time...

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