The Impasse

As Mommy admitted in public, she gave most of us a b-a-t-h. Some things are hard to forgive, but we've come up with a fair plan. We're going to tell everyone Mommy's deepest, darkest secrets in public. So grab a cup of coffee and enjoy the expose'.

-Mommy cries when she listens to the end of The 1812 Overture, and she knows it's not an American composition.


- Mommy belches. (No, not burps – belches!)


- The Philadelphia International Airport calls us, on occasion, to ask us to keep the noise down. We have to wake Mommy up to stop snoring.


- Mommy squeezes too hard, sometimes, when she hugs us.


- Mommy has killed an air plant – twice!


- Mommy is too scared to watch The Wizard of Oz. (This is a true scandal, since that means we cannot watch it.)


- Mommy doesn't like Elvis, Gone with the Wind, Titanic, or liver.


- Mommy likes Buffy, the Vampire Slayer and Angel. (Yes, they were beary good TV shows, but we've rented the entire series, twice – at least – and Mommy still misses Buffy and her friends.)


- Mommy couldn't garden beary well, until the Garden Gals took over for her.


- Mommy has been seen eating raw batter for muffins. (We should be eating it!)


- Mommy has big feet.


This didn't make us feel better, so if there is anything else you can think of that you would like to know about Mommy….


Mommy Note: Don't ask. I think this is more than fair, considering people need to take a bath more than once a year.